Stories & Manuals
How to be an Auction Hotshot Domainer
February 8, 2010 · 2 Comments
Auction Hotshot Domainers are cool bystanders of the real action. You’ve read these impressive statements before, coming from the usual suspects: “I would have bid $30,000 on BigBallsDomainer.com but I didn’t, because [ ... ]” or “Whoah! DataDataData.tv is on Namejet auction, it will surely be a bidding war! Don’t miss it.” Hold on. You’ve just witnessed an “Auction Hotshot Domainer” statement. In other words, someone who safely bids well below the selling threshold of a domain, simply to get a whiff of the auction action and to subsequently make pompous statements as the ones above. So here’s how you too can become an Auction Hotshot Domainer, in a few easy steps: Join NameJet, then carpet bid the bare minimum $69 on every auction that appears on the homepage. Make sure you don’t bid $70 or you risk winning the domain and that’s not what you’re after! Blog about every damn domain that is dropping in the next 48 hours: domains that were not renewed, .tv, .me and .info “gems” that are expired – anything that is publicly available already. Your intention is to make people think these are huge opportunities and deals. When the auctions start, make sure your bids are safely below the winning range. For example: if an LLL .com is being auctioned, never bid more than $3,000. When you become an experienced Auction Hotshot Domainer, you will be able to up your bids to $4,999 – a dollar shy of the required payment by wire; that’s cash, that you don’t really have. Make sure you reveal the winner of the auction, as you – the Auction Hotshot Domainer – witnessed the epic final battle of those that were actually after the domain. Make sure you adamantly describe how your bid was not as high as the ridiculous, end-user winning bid, because you – the Auction Hotshot Domainer – knew better. Watch as people applaud your “successful” failure to win domains you could not have afforded in the first place. Enjoy the benefits of being an Auction Hotshot Domainer! Read More →
Famous Domainers
Confessions of a Domainer Hooker
February 2, 2010 · 3 Comments
The early days of domaining were full of glitz and high society parties. Lita van de Vilt still keeps the red pumps neatly placed at the bottom of her closet, her leather miniskirt hanging from a rusty hanger at the very back, along with the other outfits she used during her days of glory. “In the good old days of VIP domaining, I’d get invitations from the big boys to escort them around town to one of these elite conferences,” says Lita – her lips recently enhanced with collagen injections. “We’d fly to Miami, New York, Chicago – all the big cities to attend the domainer gatherings. The money was crazy. One night, that Saudi domainer spent $25,000 on a Cartier bracelet for my services.” With the proliferation of large and plentiful domainer conferences, Lita is one of a dying breed that witnesses her best clientele disappear along with the big spending. Domainers nowadays prefer to conduct business online, often shunning the glitzy hotel ballrooms that once accommodated them in tuxedos and night gowns. “The game has changed. I make more money as a domainer nowadays and less as a hooker,” adds Lita with a rushed smile. “I learned how to invest in LLL .com’s, natural type-in .com domains and I can leverage my parked domains through a multi-DNS managing system,” she adds with a wink. When asked how much she charges for her companionship services nowadays, Lita smiles; she brushes her hair back gently and takes a cigarette out of her Davidoff Slims pack. “For you baby, it’s $150 for an hour – I’ll even show you how to manage your domain portfolio.” Read More →
Editorial
Who cares about the Super Bowl commercials?
February 7, 2010 · 1 Comment
Another Super Bowl is over, thank God. So the Saints won over the Colts. Millions of dollars spent on “creative” commercials, to be aired on Super Bowl Sunday every year. Are these commercials really appealing and progressive – or are they simply a projection of America’s politically correct, ultra-conservative, hygienically clean corporate society? Should we be allowed to watch uncensored commercials during the Super Bowl? Yes. The GoDaddy way No. Nipples are evil View Results Loading ... Read More →
Short News
FLOOD: TechCrunch – Mashable – Engadget – Business Insider – ReadWriteWeb
February 4, 2010 · 6 Comments
Looks like the Domaining.com feed has been taken over by a group of geek tech magazines, such as TechCrunch – Mashable – Engadget – Business Insider – ReadWriteWeb that have flooded the normal domaining flow and content. It’s very strange that Francois has added these generic publications written by non-domainers to the Domaining.com feed. What is going on? Read More →
Domain News
Freud and Frank: What do they have in common?
February 8, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Sigmund Freud was not a domainer, but Frank Schilling is. Freud, the famous Sigmund – and Frank, the famous Schilling share something intimately common. The obvious reference is that Frank Schilling’s initials (FS) are the reverse of Sigmund Freud’s (SF) but could the resemblance possibly end there? In recent years, it has become increasingly apparent that Frank Schilling and his Caymans based company, Name Administration, have researched the entire thesaurus of human knowledge and have mined the valuable information in ways that no other uber-domainer has done before. The references to ‘Freud’ in Google are a sizable 18 million, with another 4 million search results for ‘Sigmund Freud’. It appears that Frank Schilling ‘owns’ Sigmund Freud, in the most effective way possible: Name Administration appears to be the owner of the domain name, SigmundFreud.com You heard that right. A pillar of Domaining owns a pillar of Psychology. The traffic for SigmundFreud.com must be really nice. But isn’t it dangerous to own the full name of persons, live or dead, when there are estates involved? Yet again, as with the Super Bowl XLIV case, Frank Schilling is one step ahead of the game. How so? Sigmund Freud died in 1939. As of January 1st, 2010, the works of Sigmund Freud passed into Public Domain, according to the Life+70 law of copyright. So there you have it. Frank Schilling has nothing to be afraid of, and that’s no Freudian slip. Read More →
Domain News
Freud and Frank: What do they have in common?
Sigmund Freud was not a domainer, but Frank Schilling is. Freud, the famous Sigmund – and Frank, the famous Schilling share something intimately common. The obvious reference is that Frank Schilling’s initials (FS) are the reverse of Sigmund Freud’s (SF) but could the resemblance possibly end there? In recent years, it has become increasingly apparent that Frank Schilling and his Caymans based company, Name Administration, have researched the entire thesaurus of human knowledge and have mined the valuable information in ways that no other uber-domainer has done before. The references to ‘Freud’ in Google are a sizable 18 million, with another 4 million search results for ‘Sigmund Freud’. It appears that Frank Schilling ‘owns’ Sigmund Freud, in the most effective way possible: Name Administration appears to be the owner of the domain name, SigmundFreud.com You heard that right. A pillar of Domaining owns a pillar of Psychology. The traffic for SigmundFreud.com must be really nice. But isn’t it dangerous to own the full name of persons, live or dead, when there are estates involved? Yet again, as with the Super Bowl XLIV case, Frank Schilling is one step ahead of the game. How so? Sigmund Freud died in 1939. As of January 1st, 2010, the works of Sigmund Freud passed into Public Domain, according to the Life+70 law of copyright. So there you have it. Frank Schilling has nothing to be afraid of, and that’s no Freudian slip.
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A Reminder to all Male Domainers: Next Sunday is Valentine’s Day
Sometimes male domainers forget Valentine's Day because they think a domain gift would do it. Nothing like a reminder by your girlfriend or wife that you’ve missed Valentine’s! She will be dropping hints left and right a month in advance: “Oh honey, I really crave some chocolates!” or “Look at that sparkly ring at Zales, isn’t it pretty?” But no, what do you do, you keep on registering useless domains like JoeAndGinaLoveForever.com Guys, listen up. Tomorrow might be Super Bowl Sunday but next Sunday is Valentines. No matter if your team wins tomorrow, your ass will be toast if you don’t remember to “touchdown” next week. Here’s how your schedule will look like this week: Sunday: Super Bowl Sunday, lots of beer and chicken wings, hanging out with buddies. Lots of burping and tossing stuff around. Monday: Still having a hungover from Super Bowl Sunday? Too bad. Drink lots of water, get your ass out of bed. Tuesday: Don’t go registering any domains now. Take a visit to your local Lady Godiva store and get the chocolates she craved. Depending on the seriousness of your relationship, now it’s the time to go get that bling she’s been eyeballing. Wednesday: Time to get her a card. Wal-Mart cards don’t cut it, bud. Go to a specialty store or a bookstore. Get a nice, non-cheesy card without any nudity on. It should cost more than $5, in case you wondered; that’s still less than a useless “romantic” domain registration fee. Thursday: Sit your restless domainer ass down and write her a letter to go with the card. A letter, not email. Yes, that thing one writes on paper, with a pen. Make it one page long and don’t cheat now; a drawn heart should not take up half a page. Friday: Make sure you’ve arranged for flowers, or else you’ll be looking like every other Joe Blow fool at the supermarket on Sunday, scrambling for that last, pathetic bouquet. Call your local florist and arrange for a surprise delivery. Saturday: Better get those plans about a romantic dinner ready. I know you’re tempted to go register a sappy, silly, sweet and useless domain for her. Don’t do it. Plan the dinner at a nice restaurant, somewhere that she likes even if you don’t. Make a reservation – that’s the way to do it. Valentine’s Day: It’s time to do your duty and present your sweetie with all the work of your week, per the above. Only then, you can rest and carry on registering useless domains.
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This year’s Super Bowl belongs to Frank Schilling & Name Administration
It's that time of the year again, when tailgating is legal. Nowadays, it’s impossible to think of a trend, event or happening and not find Name Administration behind the respective .com The omnipresent Frank Schilling scores yet another touchdown with a domain closely related to this year’s Super Bowl. This year, the New Orleans Saints will be facing the Indianapolis Colts in South Florida. But don’t take our word – we don’t pretend to be football buffs anyway – let’s hear it from Wikipedia: The Super Bowl was first played on January 15, 1967, as part of a merger agreement between the NFL and a rival league, the American Football League (AFL). Lamar Hunt [...] coined the name Super Bowl after watching his children playing with a Super Ball. The Super Bowl uses Roman numerals to identify each game, rather than the year in which it is held. Super Bowl I was played in 1967 [...] and Super Bowl XLIV, on February 7, 2010, will be played to determine the champion of the 2009 regular season. For those among you whose command of Latin only consists of the words “Bud Light“, the Roman numeral XLIV stands for 44 – the XL denoting 50 minus 10 (thus 40) and IV standing for 5 minus 1 (thus 4). The Romans apparently wanted to make life harder on modern Americans. Regardless, Frank Schilling’s Name Administration owns XLIV.com and as such has the honor of owning this year’s Super Bowl without even infringing on the NFL trademark. Good job Frank! To the rest of you football fans out there, get your Bud Light and get ready to watch the game this Sunday. Just don’t drink too much; a common typo appears to be Superblow.com
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666 Satanic Messages Hidden in Domain Names 666
What appears to be an innocent billy goat is something evil and dark that cannot be spoken of. What started as a cursory check over domain facts and figures has evolved into a discovery of apocalyptic proportions; an evil and uncouth scheme to infiltrate the domaining world with satanism, dark magic and the carnal practices of witchcraft. Many domainers are not familiar with the secret codes of satanism hidden inside the very TLDs that are managed by the Registries. After locating documentation that supported our initial hunch, terrifying information has been uncovered, day after day for the past two weeks of our research. The Registries operate as secret societies, with seals, rituals of initiation complete with sexual orgies that include the sampling of one’s blood, sweat and tears under the pretext of “ICANN fees“. When added, those bodily secretions amount to incredible amounts of stored DNA, ready to be harvested for the generations of satan’s children that are to follow. Several Registries have imposed a $1.20 fee, which, when converted into euro amounts for 666 thousands of the euro dollar. Headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland, several ccTLD Registries operate in the realm of the apocryphal, with gold, silver and mercury stored away in secret, gigantic vaults in the Alps, alongside their Registry servers. The very structure of the .com is of extreme interest. In the Hebrew alphabet, the values of kaf, vav and mem when added together total 18 – which is the product of three times six. Also, the .com, .net and .org when transcribed into ancient Greek, spell out the word Εωσφόρος or Lucifer – the bringer of light and a euphemism for satan. This is not a coincidence but a planned infiltration of the domaining system by satanists and evil worshippers. Before the proliferation of the Internet, few people would have imagined that owning a domain name would be akin to bearing the Number of the Beast, thus marked for life with the insignia of evil and darkness. The coming years will be crucial, especially if ICANN allows for the full introduction of generic gTLDs, which will unleash all abominable evil upon the domain entrepreneurs. Until then, we can only protect ourselves by keeping a rosary, some holy water and a cross nearby, each time we log into our Registrars for some new registrations.
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DomainGang introduces Food, Politics, Health & Sports sections
DomainGang introduces several new News segments, effective sometime this century. Following the paramount example of Domaining.com owner, Francois Carrillo, DomainGang.com is about to introduce several exciting new segments. “I believe that Francois did the right thing – in a French sort of way – to introduce RSS feeds from non-domaining sources briefly yesterday”, said Lucius, general manager of DomainGang. “By introducing news segments about Food, Politics, Health & Sports to our content, we will be bringing value to our domainer readers, who are tired reading the same old, same old on the Domaining feed.” Once thought to be a taboo approach to delivering content, multi-themed magazines are all the rage in various industries, including the tech sector. “By including a Food section we can talk about Chef Patrick’s lack of cooking skills; Health section will debate whether Sahar’s shaved head is more hygienic; Sports will talk about marathoner domainer Bruce Marler, while in the Politics section we will bring forth the need for elections in the domain leadership and whether we need a female as a president. There will be a section for everyone”, added Lucius. The changes are slated for implementation sometime in our lifetime – or failing that, during the following one.
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We Love Francois!
Francois Carrillo - Domaining.com There is nothing wrong with one seeking donations, especially since they have contributed a lot of their own money for the promotion of an entire industry. Francois Carrillo, French entrepreneur and domainer, owner of the world-famous domain portal & feed aggregator, Domaining.com is currently seeking donations via Paypal. Subsidizing part of the operational costs sounds like a good idea; after all, there is no such thing as an ever-lasting free lunch. Francois has been listening to the domaining community and has often added features that promote and expand on the existing services available to domainers. We at DomainGang wholeheartedly support Francois, all the way to the domain presidency! Will you donate to the Domaining.com Paypal fund? Yes No View Results Loading ...
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Frank Schilling’s Upcoming Venture into Space
Of all the uber-domainers, Frank Schilling can afford a trip to space. Of all the uber-domainers, Cayman Islands’ based Frank Schilling is the epitome of a self-made multi-millionaire. With a portfolio of several hundred thousand domains, Frank Schilling has reached the status of uber-domainer utilizing skillful domain acquisition strategies. At an era when the buck of space exploration is being passed onto the private sector, thanks to president Obama’s recent cancellation of the Constellation space program that’d return Americans to the moon, it becomes apparent that among domainers Frank Schilling alone possesses the financial capability to make it to space as a private tourist. Perhaps it is not coincidental that Frank Schilling’s NAmedia owns SpaceTaxi.com. The reference to “space taxi” was made by president Obama in his budget speech this week, when he announced the change of focus in NASA’s space program. Frank Schilling is a low key domainer that maintains a direct control over his large and keyword-rich domain portfolio. Don’t be surprised if he, first among the uber-domainers (Rick Schwartz, Mike Mann, Dr. Kevin Ham – known as the man who owns the Internet) embarks on a space adventure in the coming years, when the space taxi business explodes. To infinity, and beyond!
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Tens of Thousands of Domains to be Recalled
Some newly registered domains contain errors and had to be recalled. The .com/.net Registry is recalling tens of thousands of domains registered in the first two months of 2010 in an effort to control a severe flaw related to the capability of these domains to resolve quickly. Long known for its laggard efforts to promote innovation, Verisign – the .com/.net Registry – announced early today that the mass recall of these domains is necessary, in order to address two inherent errors in the manufacturing process. Sylas Marner, Verisign CEO responded to the media requests issuing the following statement: “We tested domains registered in 2009, 2008 and 2007 and in comparison, the newest models with a registration date of 2010 suffer from DNS issues, multiple validation checksum failures when pushed between accounts and are prone to SES – what we call Sudden Expiration Syndrome.” The registrants of .com and .net domains who registered their domains in the first two months of 2010 are advised to return them to their Registrars for a refund and a receipt; within two weeks they will be able to re-register these domain names after Verisign installs the factory microcode fix.
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Chef Patrick’s $675 shirt gets ruined in the washing machine
The DomainGang platinum sponsorship is barely visible after two cycles in the washing machine. Alas, a moment of pure domain marketing genius is no more: The sponsored, embroidered shirt that Chef Patrick wore to DomainFest has been ruined in the washing machine. “I came home to Orlando after two weeks on the road,” said the Chef looking dejected. “After two weeks, you know, with all that partying and domaining my few remaining clean clothes got jumbled up into the dirty clothes pile. I am not blaming my wife, she was only trying to help.” Apparently, the specially made shirt, sponsored by a number of companies on the front and back in true GoDaddy style, was tossed into the rough washing cycle by the Chef’s wife, who was trying to get her man squeaky clean before some much deserved hanky-panky. “I didn’t know what that shirt was, it looked so dirty and ugly”, said Zezura gesturing in her trademark animated manner. “I was trying to get Patrick going so that we’d have some private time, I guess!” she added laughing. The shirt was washed for two cycles before it became apparent that what appeared to be a dark black stain on the front was the DomainGang logo – the main sponsor of the shirt. Later today we were told that we could come collect the embroidery which was keeping Chef’s shirt closed, so that he can wear it. “Now all I can do with the shirt is wear it while doing work under my car or mowing the lawn”, said Chef Patrick. “True, I made some good money in one day from it but it ticks me off knowing that had I not opted for embroidered prints I would have saved about $650 for a regular shirt that’d cost $25 to make.” Chef’s next project will be a variation of “pants on the ground” with other gangsta elements. Stay tuned.
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Lady Gaga: My domain is not for sale, f@## off!
Lady Gaga's flamboyant personality is very protective of her assets. Everyone knows Lady Gaga, the American singer who during the past year has dethroned Madonna as the queen of modern pop. But unlike Mrs. Ciccone, the 24 year old Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta – Lady Gaga’s real name – is not a newbie when it comes to domaining. While Madonna had to fight to obtain her domain name, Madonna.com, from the hands of opportunists that used her image to monetize traffic, Lady Gaga owned the .com from day one. Or so it appears, when all of a sudden LadyGaga.com got listed for sale on Afternic’s marketplace. We contacted Lady Gaga’s marketing agent, Sara Newkirk, who was oblivious to any pending sale of the domain name, LadyGaga.com “No, we have no such plans. But I will ask Lady G and will get back to you in a few,” she told us. A couple of hours later, the answer came via email: “My domain is not for sale, f@## off!” - a rather laconic response that many domainers would be jealous of. Short and to the point. So there you have it. LadyGaga.com is not for sale – time for Afternic’s marketplace to update their database and remove it – before Lady G starts singing “I want your ugly I want your disease I want your everything as long as it’s free”.
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TRAFFIC Test Track: The applications that never made it to the list
A lot of domainers are actively searching for the proverbial "golden egg". Test Track at TRAFFIC Las Vegas – previously known as the “Shark Tank” of domaining – was an interesting experiment that gave the opportunity to several domainer entrepreneurs to showcase their projects, seeking financial backing. This experiment in angel investing was a clear indication that not everyone is ready for “prime time”. While some participants had prepared their presentation very meticulously, others clearly failed to meet the high standards one should expect from participants of a highly anticipated domainer conference feature. After a lot of research, we found several other projects that were presented to the committee that decided which would make the final cut and into TRAFFIC Las Vegas. The results were rather amusing and we present them here for your viewing entertainment. Failed entry #1 Ricky K. from Wichita, KS presented an application for a domainer baby registry that’d issue certificates of ownership to all babies, complete with a free .tel URL and a photography certificate. Seeking $80,000 in capital, Ricky thought it’d be fun to id all domainer babies upon birth. Failed entry #2 Sophia J. and Adolph H. from Sacramento, CA presented an application for a dating web site catering exclusively to domainers. Under the working project of “Aryan Domainer” the database would contain only the blondest men and women of domaining, complete with DNA samples and picture archives of their ancestors. The idea was to ensure the Domainer Aryan Race would carry on even in the event of a nuclear holocaust. Projected budget: $2,500,000 Failed entry #3 Rudy C. from Krakow in Poland presented a business plan for recycling business cards from expired domains. With millions of domains expiring annually, Rudy’s business “Green Cards” would seek, collect and recycle the business cards of obsolete companies by creating a central database of expiration for their business entities. By catering to domainers, Rudy planned to collect the data for free using Estibot 2.0. Projected cost: $6,540,000 (to buy the domain GreenCards.com) Failed entry #4 Lars T. from London, England proposed the construction of a public database of cybersquatters. His proposal was outright rejected by the presenting panel with no further details disclosed. Failed entry #5 Roberto K. from Palermo, Italy presented a business plan for protecting domains from being stolen, via the means of utilizing aged members of the Mafia to enforce live protection. For a nominal fee, domains under the “Iron Shield” project would each have a contract, protecting them and their registrant with bodyguards against any theft or home invasion. Projected cost: disclosed only after taking the Sicilian oath of silence.
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Thousands of useless NASA domains to drop as Obama cuts Constellation program
In a single move, president Obama rendered hundreds of moon domains useless. For those of you who thought that the return of Americans to the Moon by 2020 was on track, think again. Despite the billions of dollars spent on the Constallation program since 2005, the budget cuts of the current administration render the much anticipated return to the Moon’s surface by 2020 a science fiction plot only. In today’s budget presentation, president Obama called the Constellation program as being “over budget, behind schedule and lacking innovation.” Meanwhile hundreds of domain names registered since 2005 by space enthusiasts and domain speculators alike, are to become worthless and obsolete overnight. ConstellationProgram.com, BackToTheMoon.com and similar domains are being placed on eBay as we speak, along with other NASA memorabilia, such as debris from the two space shuttles that crashed and t-shirts that read “Teachers do it better in space”. This was yet another in a disappointing series of budget cuts by president Obama, who gave away billions of dollars in government aid to banks and other financial institutions, only to tear down the moon-colonizing dreams of many domainers around the world.
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Famous Domainers
Confessions of a Domainer Hooker
The early days of domaining were full of glitz and high society parties. Lita van de Vilt still keeps the red pumps neatly placed at the bottom of her closet, her leather miniskirt hanging from a rusty hanger at the very back, along with the other outfits she used during her days of glory. “In the good old days of VIP domaining, I’d get invitations from the big boys to escort them around town to one of these elite conferences,” says Lita – her lips recently enhanced with collagen injections. “We’d fly to Miami, New York, Chicago – all the big cities to attend the domainer gatherings. The money was crazy. One night, that Saudi domainer spent $25,000 on a Cartier bracelet for my services.” With the proliferation of large and plentiful domainer conferences, Lita is one of a dying breed that witnesses her best clientele disappear along with the big spending. Domainers nowadays prefer to conduct business online, often shunning the glitzy hotel ballrooms that once accommodated them in tuxedos and night gowns. “The game has changed. I make more money as a domainer nowadays and less as a hooker,” adds Lita with a rushed smile. “I learned how to invest in LLL .com’s, natural type-in .com domains and I can leverage my parked domains through a multi-DNS managing system,” she adds with a wink. When asked how much she charges for her companionship services nowadays, Lita smiles; she brushes her hair back gently and takes a cigarette out of her Davidoff Slims pack. “For you baby, it’s $150 for an hour – I’ll even show you how to manage your domain portfolio.”
Domainer with Tourette’s owns the largest collection of unprintable domains
Sometimes it's not easy or possible to control one's flow of spoken words. As a teenager, Thomas Eschinaldi grew up bearing the stigma of a condition that deprived him of a normal, happy childhood. Having Tourette’s is a challenging twist of the human gene pool that comes with socially unacceptable behavior, facial and behavioral obsessive ticks and bursts of loud-mouthed cussing. “Thomas drained the energy of everyone in the family but we loved him dearly”, said Matilda Eschinaldi, his mother. “We knew we had a special child in our hands when he told his aunt to ‘Shove it, f*cking b*tch’ at the family party for his third birthday.” As Thomas grew up, he managed to control his cunning ability to burst into unprintable, loud-mouthed cussing by often sealing his lips shut with duct-tape, a practice he follows often as an adult, when he attends social gatherings. “I am a normal guy, except for the cussing MOTERF*CKER and that’s something that people must understand that it’s a part of my SH*T SH*T ASSH*LE personality that is outside of my control”, says Thomas smiling in-between the intense waterfall of cusswords. Thomas found domaining to be his life’s trophy, after a friend of his jovially pointed out that the combination of cusswords that Thomas erupts into would make great web sites once developed. Thomas entered the world of domaining in 2004 and his collection of “unprintable” domains has grown by leaps and bounds since. “When I register domains UP YOUR ASSH*OLE I am drawn by the development potential that they may F*CK YOUR EYES have. It’s fun when other domainers laugh at my 500-strong collection which includes all 50-states with the words ‘f*ck’, ’sh*t’ and ‘piss’ and more than 100 STUPID C*CKSUCKER SH*T SH*T SH*T domains that would never pass the Network Solutions D*UCHEBAG B*TCH filter back in the early days of domaining. So I am glad I started UGLY MOTHERF*CKER relatively late in the domaining game”, adds Thomas during our interview. His next challenge: to participate in TRAFFIC Las Vegas without being kicked out of the convention center and the elite VIP lounge party for domainers. For that matter, Thomas plans to resort to the old duct-tape trick and sedatives, hoping that other domainers will still want to embrace him and his unique collection of unprintable domain names, despite the high odds of being called various names – regardless of the fact that some of them truly deserve them.
In order to succeed as a domainer, long-tail domains give the impression that you are a seasoned developer. Harriet Gold is a typical entrepreneur mom, who spends her free time attending soccer games for her twin boys, Elohim and Nephilim – all while jotting down ideas arriving in a flash during her lunches and dinners. “I had a superb business idea!”, says Harriet, smiling. “I was eating sweet spicy mustard and pretzels at the same time yesterday, and it came upon me like a message from God. Sweet, spicy mustard covered pretzels – wowza! I immediately tapped my iPhone to GoDaddy.com and registered SweetSpicyMustardCoveredPretzels.com, and I strongly believe that’s a fantastic business idea.” Harriet is not a newcomer to domains. Before her bitter divorce in 2005 over an argument with her ex husband regarding which domain registrar is the best, Harriet was a habitual registrant of domain names. Harriet owns such long tail gems as FloridaVacationsAtTheBeaches.com, WalkingYourPuppy.com, FantasticSoccerMoms.org and many more. Her former husband has a different idea about Harriet, though. “I’m so glad I got divorced. She’d stay up late registering those long-ass domains, saying how great each and every one was for a business project she’d instantly create in her head. I mean, these long domains sucked ass but she’d throw a fit every time I’d tell her. She probably spent five grand over a bunch of domains she never actively developed. I am glad I’m thousands of miles away from that domain addict, although I miss my boys. They visit every summer.” Harriet is one of an ever-increasing group of domain owners that register long, descriptive domains of 3 or more words. These phrases, are rarely used and thus appear on Google almost instantly upon creating a basic Wordpress blog. This makes domainers think that their domains are unique, rare gems that nobody had thought of until they did. Some doctors give a name to this condition, called megalodomania. Meanwhile, nothing seems to phase Harriet Gold and her habitual registration of long-tail domains. In the time it took us to edit this interview, Harriet was celebrating the hand registration of CheesecakeSpecialCakes.com and EatingWhileSleeping.org – a domain with great potential, she said, about people that tend to munch in their sleep. Harriet’s registrar of choice – GoDaddy.com – is rather happy with her registrations and Bob Parsons mailed her a holiday eCard personally.
10 reasons we cannot make fun of domainer Bruce Marler
Unlike Chef Patrick, Bruce Marler can actually cook - a domainer that keeps on giving DomainGang often pokes fun at various domainers. It’s part of what we do. We’ve parodied Frank Schilling, Rick Schwartz, Dr. Kevin Ham (often known as “The man who owns the Internet“) and we definitely poked fun at Chef Patrick (because he cannot cook). But we could not find a way to make fun of Bruce Marler. This busy domainer is a true, hard-working development mole. So we jotted down the 10 reasons we cannot possibly make fun of Bruce Marler: Bruce Marler wears glasses. So we can’t make fun of him. OK, so Chef Patrick wears glasses too, but he also has tattoos which means he’s a tough, mean guy. Bruce Marler has finished at least one marathon. And that’s really cool in our book, because Pheidippides – the original marathoner – actually died after he completed his feat of announcing to the Athenians that the Persians had lost the battle of…Marathon. Bruce Marler actually possesses a sense of humor. So what’s the point of making fun of someone that can’t get upset? No, Bruce is cool as a cucumber. We did Bruce Marler’s twitter background and avatar. So we can’t go back and poke fun at him. No sir. Bruce Marler is daring. He quit his day job and took a crappy TLD (in our opinion) and turned it into a profitable web site. Yeah, that’s Missouri.me Bruce Marler knows how to cook – but he won’t do the dishes. And that proves that Bruce is da man. No man does the dishes but a true man can cook. Bruce Marler retweets a lot. Which is cool in our book, so we can’t make fun of him. Bruce Marler once placed a huge banner linking to DomainGang.com and he interviewed us. We can’t make fun of Bruce, even if we wanted to, for this reason alone. Bruce Marler does not belong to the “jerk circle” of the old domain elite. He’s a rebel, so we can’t make fun of fellow rebels. And finally – Bruce Marler is a friend of Tia Wood’s. And we don’t want to mess with Tia – no way!
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Stories & Manuals
How to be an Auction Hotshot Domainer
Auction Hotshot Domainers are cool bystanders of the real action. You’ve read these impressive statements before, coming from the usual suspects: “I would have bid $30,000 on BigBallsDomainer.com but I didn’t, because [ ... ]” or “Whoah! DataDataData.tv is on Namejet auction, it will surely be a bidding war! Don’t miss it.” Hold on. You’ve just witnessed an “Auction Hotshot Domainer” statement. In other words, someone who safely bids well below the selling threshold of a domain, simply to get a whiff of the auction action and to subsequently make pompous statements as the ones above. So here’s how you too can become an Auction Hotshot Domainer, in a few easy steps: Join NameJet, then carpet bid the bare minimum $69 on every auction that appears on the homepage. Make sure you don’t bid $70 or you risk winning the domain and that’s not what you’re after! Blog about every damn domain that is dropping in the next 48 hours: domains that were not renewed, .tv, .me and .info “gems” that are expired – anything that is publicly available already. Your intention is to make people think these are huge opportunities and deals. When the auctions start, make sure your bids are safely below the winning range. For example: if an LLL .com is being auctioned, never bid more than $3,000. When you become an experienced Auction Hotshot Domainer, you will be able to up your bids to $4,999 – a dollar shy of the required payment by wire; that’s cash, that you don’t really have. Make sure you reveal the winner of the auction, as you – the Auction Hotshot Domainer – witnessed the epic final battle of those that were actually after the domain. Make sure you adamantly describe how your bid was not as high as the ridiculous, end-user winning bid, because you – the Auction Hotshot Domainer – knew better. Watch as people applaud your “successful” failure to win domains you could not have afforded in the first place. Enjoy the benefits of being an Auction Hotshot Domainer!
How to be an Uber-Domainer – The Quick Guide to Success
Having graduated alongside Ron Jackson, domaining success and achieving uber-domainer status is a cinch. Just smile a lot and wear a suit. Although it can be argued that uber-domainers are not made but are born, this elite class of domain entrepreneurs that well exceed the expectations of average domainers requires a detailed study. Through their success and passion, such uber-domainers as Frank Schilling, Rick Schwartz, Dr. Kevin Ham – also known as the man who owns the Internet – and as of late, Mike Mann, are propelled into the stratosphere of domainer immortals. Some of these super-active domainers, tend to renounce the title of uber-domainer and prefer something more apt and worldly when you meet them at domainer social gatherings – just don’t call them “buddy” at the drop of a hat. We’ve put together a quick guide that could serve as a reference of achieving uber-domainer status, as long as you put in a decent amount of effort and possess the social skills for it. Choose a new niche market, e.g. ccTLD IDN domains where it can be easy to excel in without much effort. Surround yourself with people that speak positive of you. It doesn’t matter what you say, if you open your mouth as the new ccTLD IDN king, it’ll be gospel to everyone. Hang out with important domainers. By “important” we mean key players, such as senior account executives at parking companies. They will connect you to the hidden forces behind each corporation in no time. Keep mentioning that you attended high school with domaining publication pioneer, Ron Jackson. If needed, photoshop a picture of your graduation class with your picture next to Ron’s. Issue press releases announcing the importance of your niche (e.g. ccTLD IDN) market on the Internet. Hire PR writers in other countries and languages to further solidify your market reach. Repeat as often as needed. Find out the favorite restaurant of huge industry celebrities such as Bob Parsons or Ammar Kubba. Be prepared to introduce yourself “by chance” using the phrase, “Filet mignon is so tender here, but domains – that’s what I like to sink my teeth into.” Hire beautiful women to be photographed with you in every opportunity for a public appearance. You will be remembered as “the domainer guy” next to the blonde and the brunette at the industry show. Invest as little money of your own as possible but always hint that your current project has already utilized six figures and once deployed it will rock the domaining world. Form a charity organization – this way you can have a constant flow of people with money for an apparent cause e.g. “Domainers with no limbs due to the Chernobyl accident”. The management of a charity organization will lead to socializing with important people that have money to invest in your real domaining venture. Avoid the traps of introducing small fish into your pool. Pretend that you are offering them a piece of the pie but once you’re in the privacy of your office, toss their business cards in the garbage and spam filter their emails. They know you are busy anyway. Last but not least: be prepared to lie a lot, but wear a well-pressed suit and smile while doing it.
Developing with Gloria in Ten Easy Steps
Before the makeover ... Good afternoon guys and girls. I would like to welcome you to a special feature here at DomainGang called “Developing with Gloria in Ten Easy Steps”. It’s where, I, Gloria Fabulous will teach you the ins and outs of domain development. First, anybody who is anybody knows the fabulous hand registrations I have recently acquired such as WhoDoesntLoveFluffyHair.com and SeniorCatMasks.com. I, Gloria Fabulous, will take you through the process of how I created my fabulous website: SeniorCatMasks.com. #1 – Gather Information! A lady should never miss out on friendships and that includes leads. Leads can turn into fabulous friendships but first you have to collect the leads! Put a form on your website while in development that way you are never to miss those fabulous leads. After the makeover... #2 – Choose Hosting The hosting provider is oh-so-important. They must be fast and provide excellent customer support. Did I mention the hosting should be cheap cheap cheap so we can afford our hair extensions and herbal facials? #3 – Choose Your Backend How is your site going to run silly? Why, WordPress of course! #4 – Launch Your Site Are you ready? Here is the moment. Open your new fabulous site! There is no need for testing. Just launch it as is with the half ass articles and random Adsense locations. #5 – Let Everyone Know Email your leads. Post on twitter and don’t forget Facebook, girls! #6 – Move On To The Next Project This is when you should go to the next domain on your “for development” list. #7 – Let Your Previous Project Die Remember SeniorCatMasks.com? No? Me, either! You see, I was so excited about the next project I had in mind that I was sooo sure to bring me millions. PlasticRatTubes.com is sure to be fabulous! #8 – Make a List on Your Blog About How Many Websites You Have Developed Your developed site list is like crack of domainer world. The more you list, the more people will respect you. Give it up, girl! #9 – Bitch and Moan Publicly About Your UnSuccessful Projects. Blame It on the Economy Common. How many people actually take the time to develop a website. Pffffft. If your fabulous site doesn’t perform as expected blame it on current events or better yet…try to sell it and tell everyone you are moving on to other stuff. #10 – Start Over with Step #1 Gloria’s success has to do with repeating these ten steps over and over. That’s it guys and girls and have a fabulous evening!
How to become an Expert Domainer despite having no clue what you’re doing
Wearing several hats as a domainer, makes one an 'Expert Domainer' even if they have no idea what they are doing. The fun part about domaining is that it resembles a Middle Eastern bazaar. Those that yell about their wares or other offers the loudest, end up attracting the endless hordes of lazy, shoe-shuffling crowds around them. A large percentage of people that indulge into domaining these days are also self-appointed “experts” in several fields: development, SEO, copywriting, social media etc. There’s a new domainer expert born every minute a Wordpress template is downloaded. We thought we’d make it easy for you to become an Expert Domainer, without having to try much. Here’s a mini guide on what you need to keep in mind so that others view you as a person of great importance, when in fact you have no background with domains, no history of sales, no development portfolio and no real place in the industry other than the pathetic domain portfolio that you’ve amassed. Get a blog. Call it “FirstNameBlog.com” or if that’s already taken go after “FirstNameLastNameBlog.com” Install Wordpress and get a $27 skin for it. Start blogging about your day: what you did with yourself, or your girlfriend or about something you read in another blog. Blog about something your friend wrote in another blog and link to it. Ask your friend to blog about what you did and to link to yours. Infinite loop. Tweet and blog about your blog. Don’t forget to thank people for retweeting your thanks and blog about it. Then tweet about it again. Tell your friends to tweet about your tweets and blog about them as well. Mention the latest GoDaddy coupons and where you can get web hosting for under $5. Anything cheap or free is a great subject on your way to become a celebrity “Expert Domainer”. Never mention your portfolio directly. Just say that your (sucky) collection of long tail domains are “under development” and that you own a large number of “verticals” and have invested in “geo-domains”. Noone will suspect that you own such gems as OutdoorsFightingMachines.com, SpanishFlyTraps.com or AtlantaGeorgiaByNight.org The moment you flip a domain at any forum for $50 you are an “Experienced Seller”. The moment you buy a domain at any forum for $100 you become a “Domain Investor”. The moment you throw an one-pager with a basic image header and a footer, with Adsense in-between you are a “Domain Developer”. Repeat steps 8, 9 and 10 several times to further establish your fame as an “Expert Domainer”. Be part of every industry gathering you can afford to attend, in order to exchange business cards and hang out with the big domainers. When they ask what you do, mention “domain development and monetization with a business focus on geo-domains and utilization of social media” as the single killer line. You’ll be recognized immediately as part of the group. Don’t forget to add as many “friends” as you can on Facebook even though you never met them. Add as many “co-workers” at LinkedIn as you can, even though you never worked with them. Follow as many social media “experts” on Twitter even though you have never heard of Internet Relay Chat. Advertise your expertise! Find cheap blogs to place your flashy, animated banners on and make sure you leave comments on these blogs, daily. Make sure everyone knows you are alive and kicking and that you’re available for “development”. Become an expert name-dropper. At every opportunity, mention famous domainers, their domains, what they did with them and how much the domaining industry benefited from their existence. Act as if you actually had tea and biscuits with them and you discussed matters of importance. In a nutshell: To become an “Expert Domainer” you simply need to lie to yourself first, and then to others.
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